Valentine's day massacred

Ok ok, so it's no longer Valentine's day. Bite me.

It's a good example of something I once found endearing, romantic and a perfect day to reaffirm one's feelings. Before that, it was a day I found a source of immense loneliness, which may or may not have had something to do with me being single, angsty and teenager, but I digress.

I remember thinking that day was potentially better than both christmas, new year's and my birthday, all included - naturally, barring that one birthday that went horribly awry, but that's a story for another time.

Fuck. I keep sidetracking myself. Yay for lack of focus. I blame life in general, customer in specific, and anyone else than me in particular. That's the ticket, surely.

So, yeah. Valentine's day. Albeit that the very concept of it has been thoroughly reamed by corporate greed, it's a nice thought. Except, of course, for those that are alone on the day. For those, it's not really a lot of fun at all, unless they adopt either spite or ignorance. It's hardly fair, and god knows I'm sure there's a lot of people feeling pressured on the day, when affirmations of affection are no longer voluntary but mandatory, it kind of defeats the purpose...and with massive commercial hearts leaning on you from every side, it becomes something to struggle through, rather than revel in. My take is that our current brand of reality is simply too egoistic and rushed for this sort of thing to work. I mean, just look at what's happened to christmas.

I wonder if I've become too cynical for Valentine's day. Too old, too grizzled, like it's happened with christmas, that by now is just another chore to fulfill to a satisfying degree...whether it's because I simply will not let commercialism nutt in my mouth, and expect me to swallow, or if it's an earnest lack of emotion that dictates it for me.

I feel oddly defiant in the face of it. Maybe make a day dedicated to hating people would get my attention a bit better, and of course, I'd love to see the Colgate-smiles glaring from newspaper ads, not smiling but frowning, grinning, and wishing me a horrible day.

"Happy hatred day. May your face melt, your house burn down, and your significant other run off with your best friend, fucker. ps, fuck you thoroughly."
Whatever they'd sell me with that ad, I'd buy without hesitation.

Then again, it's a lot easier displaying negative emotions than positive ones. You're a lot less vulnerable that way. Maybe that's another reason for my Valentine's day scepticism. I don't feel like letting complete strangers see me smile. I dunno if it's because I think they haven't earned it, or because it leaves them knowing I have something to lose (whether or not I actually do). It's not only more natural, but also seems more gratifying to just grin and cok my eyebrow. Fuck'em, let them earn the right to see me smile if they want it.

So yeah. Valentine's day. What of it?
it's like an extra twist of the knife, ending a phone conversation, an email, or a text message with "Happy Valentine's day".

I don't believe in new year's resolves, for the same reason; you want to do something right and good, you don't need a fricking' title for a day to do so. Turn of a year? Who cares. Any actions, change or whatever needs to come from genuine motivation.

Moving further from the point, isn't there something fundamentally wrong when you need to know what day it is to promise yourself or others to be a better person?

Then again, I stop and wonder again, maybe it's not the commercialism, and maybe it's not even me being too jaded for it. After all, if I didn't care at all, why the hell would I spend time writing about it? Maybe I just lack a proper conduit. Perhaps that'd make it more obvious.

Ahwell. Until I figure things out better, I'll just praise myself happy that Valentine's day has been utterly sliced up from my side anyway. I guess I can put away the heart-shaped scalpel away now, and feel all good about myself. I've done my share.

Screw you, Valentine's day. You're nothing but memories coated in commercialism anyway.